On Easter morning I stood on my back deck and looked at the woods behind my house.  It was the last day of March and it was pretty chilly out, but I didn’t mind it – it was waking me up. I found myself wondering if this is what it felt like the morning Christ rose. I wondered what the desert feels like in the morning. I imagine it is the most refreshing part of the day there. I wondered if on that day, people had any idea what was going to occur.  Were they going about their business as usual?  Did they sense a change in the air?

I felt energized by the fresh air and took a deep breath. I felt some weight lift off of my shoulders. I think this feeling of relief is what we are supposed to feel when we understand what a huge gift we were given. Jesus dying wasn’t a tragedy – it was the most powerful act of love any being has ever made.

I know Easter doesn’t fall in springtime everywhere in the world, but I’m glad it does here. That feeling that creeps up inside of us as winter takes its last gasping breaths reminds me of the hope I have for a new beginning each day.  The months I spend shielding myself from the cold are giving way to a feeling of lightness and freedom.  The morning of the day Christ rose, the work had already been done, and we were about to receive proof that God loves us. To see the new day.

No matter where we live, or what our weather conditions are, we all experience our own winters.  They feel hard, cold, and never-ending sometimes.  God doesn’t promise us those won’t happen. But the sacrifice he made guarantees us that we will experience Spring in our hearts. I can’t imagine going through life without knowing what His love for me means, and that regardless of my circumstances, he is there to bring my burdened heart back to life.

I have a friend who can be brutally honest at times. I don’t consider myself an extremely sensitive person, but there have been times where I have felt burned by things she has said to me. Given, the delivery could sometimes be a little softer. But most times, once I get over my bruised ego or decide to let go of hurt feelings, I find something to be learned in what she has said to me. Maybe that’s always a small part of it – the truth in the statement makes it hurt a little bit more than if it were an outright lie or insult. I don’t take her words as gold – sometimes opinions differ and what she thinks just doesn’t really ring true with me at all. But that’s the exception to the rule. Most times, I can see through to what I should learn from the situation, and it helps me understand myself better.

The fact is, she’s a good friend and I know she loves me. She may not always say things how I would like, or react in the way that would affirm and validate my actions, but I know that she wants what’s best for me. I know that she holds me to the same standard she holds herself. And I know that she thinks I’m capable of hearing the truth. Otherwise why would she risk saying those things? In the end, her honesty has helped me grow and has strengthened our friendship, and I’ve learned that it’s important for me to look behind the words and see the intention. For some, how it’s said is much more important than what is said, and to a certain degree I want to agree with that. But I can’t help but wonder if certain relationships are put in our lives simply for the purpose of keeping us on our toes – seeing if we’re paying attention when truth comes our way, regardless of how it’s delivered. Plus, I’m 100% certain that I don’t always say/do things like my family or friends would like me to, but they haven’t shut me out of their lives.

God’s word frequently makes me uncomfortable. It calls me to do things that I don’t really want to do if I’m consulting my sinful nature about it. The Word holds a mirror up to us that we sometimes don’t want to look into – because it shows us where our hearts are without Him. But if I open up and let it do what it’s supposed to do, I ALWAYS come out on the other end better off for it. If you’re open to truth, whether it’s in the Word or someone God may have placed in your life, you are really living in the God Story!

Pieter Bruegel the Elder- Storm at Sea

And while I might not always be jumping for joy about experiencing pain or fear or loss, I do know that each time God brings me through those times, I come out on the other end a better, stronger person.  More whole.  That’s no consolation prize.

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

Do you ever catch yourself doubting that you can accomplish something great?  Do you ever think to yourself that you just don’t have what it takes?  I do.  I look at some people around me who have accomplished truly admirable and great things, and I think that they must be special or gifted.  That they have “what it takes” and perhaps I’m just more of a middle of the road achiever.

Recently I sat in the car, listening to a book called Do Hard Things with my son, who is twelve.  He’s on the precipice of teenager-hood (Lord help me), and his dad recommended that he read this book.  It’s been a very interesting book so far.  Essentially, it discusses how the teen years do not need to be a wasteland of partying and mindless irresponsibility.  It encourages young people to spend their time doing what they are meant to do, and preparing for a lifetime of greatness.  It causes me to cringe a little at how I spent my teenage years – I didn’t exactly define “ambitious.”  I had good friends and we’ve all turned out to be productive members of society, but had I applied myself differently during those years, who knows where my path would have led.

I don’t lose much sleep over that, though.  What’s done is done, and I know that there are still many great years ahead of me to experience life and pursue dreams.  But what this book, and my son, are reminding me of, is that greatness lies within all of us, because God is there.  Yes, we may do ourselves a favor by starting earlier and avoiding the Teenage Wasteland.  But regardless of our age, our power comes from the One who gives it.  I have some things I’d like to do well at, and I’m going to need to focus and dig deep to get it done.

But I think about what I would (and have) told my son. If he’s doubting his abilities, I always remind him what an amazing person he is, and how God created him to do something special.  I see his greatness so clearly from where I’m standing.  But I also know that he has strongholds that he’ll have to fight against if he wants to achieve that greatness.  The more I think about what I see in my son, the more I realize that it all applies to me, too.  And while I may not have my mom around to tell me these things every day, I do have my heavenly Father, who is always ready to remind me.

He is my source and my ally, and he created me to follow my passions – and to find my place in His God Story.

In January, I got to witness the birth of my second nephew. It was an exhilarating moment to say the least. And the second he arrived, all of the waiting, wondering, and chaos suddenly melted away, and he was here in all his glory. There’s nothing quite like the wonderful distraction of a new baby. Every single feature on his tiny little body is adorable, and he carries at once a total innocence and a cosmic wisdom because of his simple needs. It’s pretty easy to get totally sidetracked when babies come along.

He got me thinking about love. As humans we of course love our children. We would lay down our lives for them. And in most cases, we feel that way about our nieces and nephews, and grandchildren. And some of us, if we’re lucky, feel that way about a significant other or a best friend. All of these human relationships take root deep in our hearts, and provide us with absolutes in a pretty uncertain world. We know that we love them, we know that they love us, and we know that we would do anything for them. That is, until they disappoint us, which all human beings do. Children disobey, friends let us down, and lovers commit a multitude of sins. And even though our security in those relationships might falter or cause us to question the love between us, we can ultimately forgive many things and go back to loving that person. Sometimes those challenges even make the relationship stronger.

And yet, we abandon our love for God so easily. We get distracted by life (children, relationships, etc…), lose track of time and before you know it, days, weeks, months may pass since we’ve had a feeling of closeness to Him. Some even curse him or completely abandon their faith if they go through a trial in life that seems unfair or too difficult to bear. We see these struggles as signs that God has left us, that He doesn’t care about us, or maybe that He doesn’t even exist.  I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been in that place before. It’s hard to feel loved sometimes when the person isn’t right in front of your face assuring you that they do. Seems like we’ll take a human professing imperfect love to us over a God promising perfect, unconditional love.

All those relationships are in my life because God put them there, and they are the things reminding me of God. But the best reminder of God is actually spending time with Him. This is the point I always come back to, one of those “life lessons” I’m not sure I’ll ever completely learn. The only thing that is going to deepen and grow my relationship with Him is spending time with him. If you don’t see or talk to your husband or wife for weeks, how is that relationship going to strengthen? If you don’t relate to your children or share your life with them in any way, they will be distant, and the bond will weaken. I know that’s the same affect my distance has on my relationship with God. It needs the same amount of attention and excitement that I give to a brand new baby boy, or a new friend or boyfriend.

When it comes to God, excitement about Him doesn’t come out of nowhere. Just like every other relationship, I have to be in His presence, connect with Him, and bring my heart into it.