Lately I’ve been cruising through the hours, days and weeks with seemingly little spiritual connection. It’s not as if I’ve been avoiding it. But I also haven’t felt the void that I should when I’ve been coasting for this long. I’m not ashamed to admit this – I think we all go through times in our life like this.I thought today about some of the times that I felt closest to God – like I was seeing Him constantly and felt like He was moving in my life. Many of those times were when I was going through extreme hardship. Not to say that I think I always have to be in trouble to seek or believe in God. But those are the times when I have to cling to him because I’m not numb. Feeling raw emotion, whether it is sadness or happiness, always seems to bring my relationship with Him to the surface.So I asked myself what I should be doing right now. Do I want to stay neutral? No way. Then tonight I sat down to do my Deeper study, hoping that something would “hit me”, when it kinda did. 🙂 I was going in to it with the mindset that something would pop out at me, but it wasn’t the words on the page that had power. A meaningful encounter is only going to happen if I’m trusting that God will bring it about through my disciplined study.
The Deeper study goes through the Bible with a method of meditation and examination. But sometimes we look at studies as something that will inherently bring us clarity or bring us closer to God. But for me right now, the act of studying feels dry unless I’m praying for and expecting God to show up and make it mean something.
I think this is why people can go years and years doing the good Christian things – Bible studies, small groups, reading books – and rarely ever really encounter Christ in their life. Rarely feel that connection.
Tonight I read several verses in the context of understanding what God wants us to learn about Truth. I will admit that some of it went over my head, or that I didn’t always “get” what I was supposed to be learning. But I’m reading it, and I’m praying for the enlightenment to come. Just reading the words isn’t going to teach me anything. That’s God’s job.
One of the verses that stood out to me was Deuteronomy 30:19-20. It seemed to echo some of what I’m thinking right now. Choosing to follow means holding fast. Even when you may feel distant. The TRUTH is that He is life.
19 I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants, 20 by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days, that you may live in the land which the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”